


Hold Me Tight (Or Don't)

by orphan_account



Category: PVRIS (Band)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-31
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-05-16 15:56:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14814390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Alex played in his first hockey game he had to be taken out for injuries in the first five minutes.A tall kid skated at full speed at him and Alex wouldn’t back down, couldn’t back down. His tiny body slammed into this kid that was three years older than him and four feet taller.His mom described it later as him practically flying across the rink and into the walls. He had a concussion and his nose was bleeding.





	Hold Me Tight (Or Don't)

**Author's Note:**

> yes I know that Lynn is gay, but I really do ship all three of them together. This is all in my head (and on ao3).
> 
> I don't own anything other than this story. 
> 
> If your name is Lynn Gunn, Alex Babinski, and Brian MacDonald, and you play in a band called PVRIS, please please please don't read this. And if you do, please don't hate me for it.

In 2012 Alex joined a band. He was this 18 year old emo kid out of Massachusetts who happened to play the piano decently (Lynn thought otherwise but that was just her). Suddenly he was hanging out with 3 guys and a girl, jamming on a regular basis, and trying not to stare at his lead singer and guitarist. 

*

Brian was a force. He had this air about him that drove Alex to distraction. There were times during recording that Alex would make eye contact with Brian and there was this heat, he could practically hear the buzzing in the air. With a blush staining his cheeks Alex would look away, praying that Brian didn’t know but knew.

*

Everyone knew Lynn was gay, the fans knew she was gay, the band knew she was gay, the roadies knew she was gay, hell, aliens on Mars probably knew she was gay. The point is, Lynn Gunn liking girls was old news. So Alex told himself that he had no chance with her and threw himself into the music scene. It hurt, sometimes it felt like his heart was literally being forcefully expanded. But he just had to grit his teeth and bear it.

*

Alex could distract himself from his family, friends, emotions, hurts, and issues, but he couldn’t distract himself from his bandmates. Particularly a blonde and brunette. A blonde with a fiery attitude and sarcastic humour. A brunette with an equally strong personality and a penchant for cuddling at random moments. Alex could not ignore the 4 people he lived with, ate with, or played with.

*

When Alex was young he was entranced by hockey. There was something about the 100+ pound men gliding effortlessly over the ice that begged his attention, and Alex was too young to say no. 

His mother was not happy with his choice of sport. Mrs. Babinski had anticipated that her shy, sweet, well-mannered, son would gravitate towards theater or choir; she had already enrolled Alex in piano lesson with old Mrs. Harberd down the street. But, Alex had managed to defy expectations and asked to play in the roughest, toughest sport Mrs. Babinski could possibly think of.

With a sigh Alex’s mother had signed him up for the junior hockey team in downtown New Hampshire, and he never looked back.

*

In 2013 his band published Paris. Words could not even describe the high he was riding during the release party. His heart was so fucking full he thought he would burst. Everyone from the label was drinking and dancing and screaming and congratulating them. 

He grinned as he watched the writhing bodies in the club, drinking his juice. He was underaged, unfortunately, but that could play to his advantage. After a while an older looking man came up to him, leaning against the wall with an air of casualness and musky cologne. 

Alex looked at the man out of the corner of his eye, he was grinning; wolfishly, Alex noted with a shiver. He didn’t know how to explain it, but this was what he liked. The corners of Alex’s mouth twitched up and he looked down into his glass. 

“Hey pretty thing, do you wanna‘nother drink?” The man’s voice was rough, telling of cigarettes and too many glasses of whiskey. It was like raking through broken glass and Alex was willing being cut by it.

Looking up through his eyelashes, Alex gave his best shy-boy grin (which wasn’t that hard to do, it was pretty much default) and made his first right bad decision of the night, “yes, please sir.” 

*

It was easier to hook up when drunk. He had to have some excuse for why he was so willing, so pliant, so eager to go under by another man’s hands. It didn’t bother him that he was with a man, but his subjector was not who he wanted.

He wanted a girl with firm muscles but soft curves; a boy with a no-nonsense stare and sharp teeth. He wanted to see the clash of pale skin with tan skin with dark skin; long straight hair with short curly hair; brown eyes vs grey. 

*

At the hotel room Alex found out that he really like the scrape of stubble, particularly against his thighs. Not many cared to give him head, usually preferring to see him on his knees, so Alex enjoyed it while he could. 

As the man between his legs sucked, two fingers were pressed into him, causing Alex to gasp and arch his back, torn between thrusting his hips or or shifting down against the intrusion. As the man pulled off and bit at Alex’s thighs he managed to hit that little bundle of nerves that drove him insane.

*

When Alex was 12 he kissed Tommy Brooks behind the bleachers at his middle school. He didn’t really like Tommy, but he was dared to by Stacey, Nick, and Jordan, so he had to. Alex had never kissed anyone before then, didn’t really know how, too shy and protected by his mother to speak much to girls.

He like it. The gentle press, sort of dry but sort of wet. 

Tommy pulled away first grossed out and shuddering, as if he had done something disgusting. Alex however was dazed. He had heard older girls talk about kissing, read his cousin’s diary when he visited his Aunt Tammy during the summer. Nothing prepared him for the rush of emotions he felt. 

When he had shaken himself out of it, his “friends” were laughing at him. Brows furrowed, Alex had asked what was wrong, what did he do. They made fun of him, said that he liked it, called him fag and homo, names that didn’t mean a lot to Alex but still hurt. They chased him all the way to Wisteria Lane, two blocks from his home, teasing and yelling out expletives, talking about how much of a freak he was, how people “like him” got arrested.

Alex had burst through the back door and ran into the kitchen where his mother was, sobbing loudly. His mother, naturally, was alarmed and demanded, in that soothing way mothers have, what happened. 

*

Alex changed schools at least 3 times during his life.

*

The morning after the release party Alex woke up to the sight of sharpie on his arm and the feeling of soreness all throughout his body; it felt amazing. 

Looking in the mirror, Alex could see the dark bruises that littered his shoulders and neck, red-burn on the inside of his thighs, blue turning green bruises on his hips. They made Alex grin.

*

Sometimes he noticed Lynn watching him. He believes that it doesn’t mean anything. And maybe he’s right. But regardless, there was a moment in the recording studio where he glanced up from his piano, and Lynn’s eyes practically bored holes into his skin. He fumbled the next chord, causing a discordant crash to be played, and heat rushed into his face.

*

He would remember that stare for months. Late at night, when he managed to have just a little bit of time to himself, when everyone else was hopefully asleep. 

*

Brian once kissed him. He tasted like bitter alcohol and salt, he was wet and warm and sloppy. It felt so good but it broke Alex’s heart into a million pieces, knowing that this wasn’t something he could have, something that he wouldn’t have, not without another person. 

He had pulled away, Brain leaning after him like a lost puppy, hurt flashing in his eyes. Alex gave in and had quickly pecked Brian on the lips, then shoved his friend out of his bunk.

*

As far as he knew, Brian never remembered that moment. And maybe that’s for the best, which didn’t make it hurt less. But Alex told himself that every moment that his heart pulsed with want.

*

Warped was amazing, and Alex couldn’t help but remember the release party; he was flying on the same cocktail of emotions as he was that night. He moved his head to the thrumming vibrations of Brian’s guitar. His shoulders shook as Lynn’s voice washed over him like a violent-gentle wave. His fingers pulsed from how forcefully he pressed them against the piano keys. They were on fire!

*

Brian had hopped over to Alex, you know, the little skippy thing he does. He stood in front of Alex for a while, just grinning and playing, feeding off of eachother. Then with a spin and guitar lick, Brian was back to his side of the stage. 

*

Lynn also seemed to be into the action as well, which did some horrid things to Alex’s self control. She turned toward him during You and I and practically dragged her voice. It was deep and smokey, and Alex was sure that he was doing a very good impression of a cartoon; eyes bulging and mouth open.

She took a few steps toward him, one foot in front of the other, hips swaying minutely, the pure image of seduction and heat. He kept playing; he’d gotten used to playing through the overflow of his emotions. As he played he tried to not drag his eyes over her body, he tried to keep his eyes on hers, but he couldn’t. They were too hot, too smoldering; her eyes. So he glanced over to Brian, and fuck it if it wasn’t fair. 

*

Brian was playing hard, hands flying furiously over the frets, head tipped back letting his neck be exposed. It was a long line that Alex wanted to sink his teeth into. What also didn’t help was that Brian’s eyes were hooded and his mouth parted. Alex sucked in a breath through his teeth and tried not to think about being the one to put that expression on Brian’s face.

*

And if Alex had to lock himself in the bus bathroom and thrust his hand down his pants and bring himself off fast and hard, pinching his hips and raking his nails down his stomach, no one else would know. 

*

Alex honestly thought that things had gotten better. His band was traveling across the world, he had several tattoos, he got paid for making sweet music, and he could hang out with his bestest friends in the world every single fucking day.

But there could be some weird thing. Some little moment, that could drag down his entire mood. It didn’t happen often, but it just did.

He was looking for Justin, something about a frisbee and tag, when he stumbles into the back lounge of the bus. He starts, frozen in the door frame, not believing his own eyes, his heart shattering further than ever. Brian and Lynn were kissing. It couldn’t even be called that. They were blatantly making out. 

*

Lynn was on her knees straddling Brian’s hips so that she was taller than him, her hands were cradling his jaw. Brian’s hands were holding her hips, keeping her steady, and his head was tilted back as their lips meshed, air pushed harshley through their noses.

*

He didn’t know if they saw him, and frankly he couldn’t care less. He ran.

*

He ran out of the bus and into the streets of London. He ran as far and as long as he could. He ran across crosswalks, dogged pedestrians, narrowly avoided cars and busses, and was nearly mowed over by a handful of cyclists. He reached a park when it was late in the afternoon. 

*

It was quiet. The sun was setting. Alex had been sitting on the same bench for over two hours. He was glad that they didn’t have a show today. He couldn’t handle seeing Brian and Lynn again. Every time he closed his eyes he could see them, entwined like some sort of sick dream. He didn’t register that he was crying until he reached up to scratch at his neck and found it wet with a salty liquid. 

*

All floodgates seemed open. His heart hurt so much. It was being forcefully expanded again. Like something inside it was swelling and pushing at the walls. It hurt. And it seemed to only aid him in his tears. He pulled his jacket tighter around him and let his head tip back against the bench. 

The line of his tears changed direction, going from the corners of his eyes to his hairline by his ears. He throat got tighter from the new angle and a sob threatened to break free.

*

It was dark when he opened his eyes again. His neck was extremely stiff when he raised it, and his eyes were crusty. He rubbed at them with the heel of his hand and stood up on wobbly legs. That was when his ears picked up a sound, a few sounds actually.

They were shouts and they were coming from down the street. He frowned, trying to figure out what was going on. Then a figure emerged from the darkness and into the light of a street lamp. 

*

It was a woman, with long blond hair that seemed rumpled, like she’d been dragging her fingers through it or had been clutching at in anxiously. She was short, and was wearing ripped jeans with a ratty t-shirt. Alex got a little closer, and she suddenly looked in his direction. Her eyes were smudged by eyeliner, like she’d been crying. 

Said eyes widened, and her mouth opened. She yelled, “ALEX!” and he started, jerking back at the power of her voice. He suddenly realized that it was Lynn. She was looking for him. And she was right there.

Lynn yelled again “Brian! I found Alex!” Then she began running at him. Alex was frozen still, he didn’t know if he should run away or stay. Her face was terrible. Her eyes were eyeliner smudged but she look sad and furious at the same time. It was awful, and Alex couldn’t stand the thought that he did something to put that look on her face.

*

When Alex played in his first hockey game he had to be taken out for injuries in the first five minutes. A tall kid skated at full speed at him and Alex wouldn’t back down, couldn’t back down. His tiny body slammed into this kid that was three years older than him and four feet taller. His mom described it later as him practically flying across the rink and into the walls. He had a concussion and his nose was bleeding.

*

Lynn slammed into Alex, her arms wrapping around his torso and her head pressing against his chest. She hugged him tight for a couple of seconds, then stepped back and slugged him in the left arm.

“You fucker! I thought you were dead or kidnapped! Do you even know how late it is!!!” She was yelling at the top of her lungs at him, she just punched him (something she’d never done before), and honestly Alex was very confused and scared. So naturally he started crying.

*

Lynn freaked out even more, assuming all the worst things about Alex’s condition when she saw his tears. She began ranting, throwing her arms up and yelling at the top of her lungs while Alex wrapped his arms around himself and let silent tears fall. 

He would glance up occasionally, only to shrink back into himself when Lynn raised her voice even more.

*

Luckily or unfortunately, Brian came running up. The first thing he did was pull Lynn away from Alex’s vicinity, then he placed his hands on Alex’s face. He lifted Alex’s face to force him to make eye contact. Brian brushed his thumbs under Alex’s eyes, wiping away the moisture. 

“You’re safe.” It wasn’t a question, but Alex nodded anyway. “You’re here,” again Alex nodded. Brian nodded as well, satisfied with the answer. And then they were kissing. It was simple, a quick dry press, a little salty from tears. 

* 

All of Alex’s breath seemed to leave his body. His fingers clenched and released, he didn’t know what to do. He broke away from Brian, than glanced over at Lynn. She was watching them thoughtfully. And it was like all of Alex’s body sized up with fear; how would she react? 

Lynn just smiled, and she softly took Alex’s hand, then gently led him (and by extension Brian) back to the tour bus. 

*

They got onto the tour bus, tailed by Justin (because it was a very wide search party) who was waved off. Lynn wrapped a blanket around Alex, helped him balance as he toed off his shoes, then led him to the back lounge.

He sat down in the sofa crease (a coveted position) with Lynn on his right and Brian on his left. Lynn grasped his right hand and tugged him so that he would look at her. She studied him for a bit then leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

*

Alex was painfully aware of all points of contact. Brian’s torso against his left arm. Brian’s right leg against his left. Lynn’s fingers on his wrist. Her chest against his upper arm. Her knees against his thigh. Her lips against his. 

*

She pulled back and he gasped in a breath of air. He didn’t know what to think.

*

Two years ago, Alex was lost in a park. He had just seen two of his best friends kiss, and it absolutely devastated him. Now he was still playing with his three best friends, and two of them were his lovers.

As he played, Brian waltzed over and stuck his tongue out, flattening it against his chin. Alex shuddered and grinned, for it was reminiscent of a different position, where Brian was between their girlfriend’s legs. Brian smiled back, baring his teeth, then returned to his side of the stage.

Lynn came up next, blowing him a kiss and dropping her voice in a way that she KNEW got him hot. Fuck there was no way he would survive this show.

*

He got off of stage and was dragged to the tour bus by Brian. He was forcefully pressed against the door to the bunks by Lynn. Strong and dark fingers pressed against bruises that were a day old on his hips. Another hand slipped under his jeans and boxers and against his dick. Sharp teeth nipped at his neck, ragged nails scraped at his hips, heat was all around him and rolling through him.

 

With his head tipped back against the door, one hand clenching Lynn’s hip, the other tangled in Brian’s hair, Alex came, gold shooting through his veins. 

 

He opened his eyes slowly to Lynn smiling lovingly at him, filling him impossibly more with warmth, and Brian nuzzling against her neck. His girlfriend turned towards his boyfriend, and they kissed.


End file.
